- So when I do my job, people hate me.
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- In fact, the better I do my job, the more people hate me.
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- And no, I'm not a meter maid, and I'm not an undertaker.
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- I am a progressive, lesbian talking head on Fox News.
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- So y'all heard that, right? Just to make sure, right? I am a gay talking head on Fox News.
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- I am going to tell you how I do it, and the most important thing I've learned.
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- So I go on television. I debate people who literally want to obliterate everything I believe in,
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- in some cases, who don't want me and people like me to even exist.
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- It's sort of like Thanksgiving with your conservative uncle on steroids,
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- with a live television audience of millions. It's totally almost just like that.
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- And that's just on air. The hate mail I get is unbelievable.
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- Last week alone, I got 238 pieces of nasty email
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- and more hate tweets than I can even count.
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- I was called an idiot, a traitor, a scourge, a cunt and an ugly man, and that was just in one email.
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- So what have I realized, being on the receiving end of all this ugliness?
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- Well, my biggest takeaway is that for decades,
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- we've been focused on political correctness,
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- but what matters more is emotional correctness.
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- Let me give you a small example. I don't care if you call me a dyke.
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- I really don't. I care about two things. One, I care that you spell it right.
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- Just quick refresher, it's DYKE. You'd totally be surprised.
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- And second, I don't care about the word, I care about how you use it.
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- Are you being friendly? Are you just being naive? Or do you really want to hurt me personally?
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- If emotional correctness is the tone, the feeling,
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- how we say what we say, the respect and compassion we show one another.
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- And what I've realized is that political persuasion doesn't begin with ideas or facts or data.
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- Political persuasion begins with being emotionally correct.
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- So when I first went to go work at Fox News, true confession,
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- I expected there to be marks in the carpet from all the knuckle-dragging.
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- That, by the way, in case you're paying attention, is not emotionally correct.
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- But liberals on my side, we can be self-righteous, we can be condescending, we can be dismissive of anyone who doesn't agree with us.
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- In other words, we can be politically right but emotionally wrong.
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- And incidentally, that means that people don't like us. Right?
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- Now here's the kicker. Conservatives are really nice.
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- I mean, not all of them, and not the ones who send me hate mail, but you would be surprised.
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- Sean Hannity is one of the sweetest guys I've ever met.
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- He spends his free time trying to fix up his staff on blind dates,
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- and I know that if I ever had a problem, he would do anything he could to help.
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- Now, I think Sean Hannity is 99 percent politically wrong,
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- but his emotional correctness is strikingly impressive.
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- And that's why people listen to him.
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- Because you can't get anyone to agree with you if they don't even listen to you first.
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- We spend so much time talking past each other and not enough time talking through our disagreements.
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- And if we can start to find compassion for one another,
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- then we have a shot at building common ground.
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- It actually sounds really hokey to say it standing up here,
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- but when you try to put it in practice, it's really powerful.
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- So someone who says they hate immigrants,
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- I try to imagine how scared they must be
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- that their community is changing from what they've always known.
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- Or someone who says they don't like teachers' unions,
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- I bet they're really devastated to see their kid's school going into the gutter, and they're just looking for someone to blame.
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- Our challenge is to find the compassion for others
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- that we want them to have for us.
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- That is emotional correctness.
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- I'm not saying it's easy.
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- An average of, like, 5.6 times per day
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- I have to stop myself from responding to all of my hate mail with a flurry of vile profanities.
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- This whole, you know, finding compassion and common ground with your enemies thing is kind of like a political-spiritual practice for me, and I ain't the Dalai Lama.
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- I'm not perfect, but what I am is optimistic.
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- Because I don't just get hate mail.
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- I get a lot of really nice letters, lots of them.
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- And one of my all-time favorites begins
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- I am not a big fan of your political leanings or your sometimes tortured logic,
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- but I'm a big fan of you as a person. Now this guy doesn't agree with me yet.
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- But he's listening not because of what I said, but because of how I said it.
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- And somehow, even though we've never met, we've managed to form a connection.
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- That's emotional correctness, and that's how we start the conversations that really lead to change.
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